Post Marital Blues or Bliss?

I had read in some random magazine that I'd picked up at the salon that there's this thing called PND or Post Nuptial Depression, experienced by either the woman, the man or both. From what I remember, the bride becomes depressed because she'd been dreaming of the white-washed day her whole life and the wishful oohs and aahs go kapoof once it's all over. Reality does bite. And another reason: During the wedding, she's the center of buzzing attention. But the attention does fade after and what comes next are the chores and the new responsibilities of being a wife. And of course, the in-laws, and the opinions that go with them.

For the guy, PND's set in when he's dispirited due to pressure - the need to work harder because now, it's not just about him anymore. There's another mouth to feed, there are bills to pay, and other adjustments to be made.

But on the other and brighter side of the plank, there's what they call the honeymoon stage. Where the couple goes into a lovey-dovey, gooey-sweet isolation phase. Friends and relatives are set aside. And fortunately, I never did get to experience what some urban couples go through, the monstrous PND. I'm glad to be at the happy side of the plank, where I'm just in crazy ecstasy.

I have friends messaging me, asking me about married life and how it really is, in brutal honesty. And I always answer that being married is better that what I expected it to be. And it truly is. I have to confess though that it's now really hard to get out of bed. Before, Melvene and I would be excited to hop out of dreamland so we'd get to spend more hours. Since we have a business together and that just means that we don't have to be always physically present at the office to work, we find ourselves oversleeping. And as much as possible, there's this tendency to spend a real whole lot of time together: eating, sleeping, DVD marathons, going to the mall, etc... And I do confess, I do feel like a lazy ass. I do some cooking and household work. But the drive that I had to over-work myself with my businesses ain't with me at this point.

So I had been asking: Will the world take it against me if I'm being too happy? If I'm just to0 darn blissful to work my ass off?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of bumping into my good friend AJ, telling her about my bliss-guilt mental tortures. AJ just got married last year, and she told me I looked happy and that it's perfectly normal to experience the honeymoon bug. To my comfort, hers took six months before she realized that she needed to go back to being productive. Six months! And I'm still at my second month. Phew!

So when does the honeymoon stage end? When a kid comes into the picture? When you both start to work like mad horses like you used to? When you realize that you've been an unproductive ass? But really, does the honeymoon stage need to end?

As for me and my counting, probably I have four months to go. Or maybe not.

It Ain't Gonna Get Fixed

As most couples would nod in agreement, marriage is a compromise. Yes, there are things that I can do well, and things he can do well. I for one, like to plan ahead. I do the scheduling of our activities, the paperwork, the filing, the budgeting while Melvene abhors it. My husband, on the other hand, is very good with people. He's the one who gets to raise up our household concerns to the plumbers, the electricians, the security guards. He even does the normal haggling. Thank God because really, it's not my thing. I cook, he washes the dishes. I prepare the bills, he prepares the laundry.

Though, one thing I had figured out during our almost 5 years as a couple, is that Melvene is not the tinkering kind ergo anything that is electronics-related is way beyond him. And beyond me! So when the TV or the computer ain't working, both our faces go blank. I mean, really blank.

Before, I'd get stressed about it, thinking that men should know how to fix things. But this man, my man, is just not fitting the given description. It's not as if he's not trying to put in the red, yellow and white sockets into the TV. It's just not his thing, the way that it's not my thing either. I've learned to let go and understand that the TV won't get fixed today. I've learned to be grateful for our strengths and to thank him for trying.